Heather Smith
There are some phrases I find really, really annoying. Believe you me is one of them. I am in no way a stickler for the rules of grammar. As a dialogue driven writer I write as people speak, the resulting text being full of shameful grammatical errors. Trust me, I’m no Lynn Truss – but believe you me? That just has to be wrong.

That said, I love to use the phrase "believe you me" … because I find that embracing things that annoy me makes them less annoying and more humorous. You should try it. It’s fun. Do it often. Your family will pretend to hate it, but deep down they’ll be amused.

Is it cold enough for ya and is it hot enough for ya are another two phrases that grate on my nerves. Hence, I use them all the time, making sure that is it cold enough for ya is always accompanied by an irritating vigorous rubbing together of the hands.

Riddle me this is another annoying thing people say just before they boggle your mind with a mind blowing brain teaser. Riddle me this is not, in and of itself, annoying – it is the fact that it is always said super smugly and condescendingly. Similarly, and equally annoying, is the finger aside of their nose move - the one people use to show that they know something you don’t know, that they alone are the keepers of some deep dark secret.

I haven’t embraced riddle me this or the finger on the nose motion yet but I plan on it. Here’s how I figure it will pan out:

To my children:

Riddle me this, did you brush your teeth yet?

Riddle me this, do you have any homework?

It’s so dumb, it’s funny. To me anyway – not sure how the kids will feel.

That’s how I’ll ask questions. Here’s how I’ll answer them. If a child of mines asks Mom, can I have some lunch? I’ll just put my finger aside my nose, tap it a couple of times, and then walk away.

What gruesome fun! I’ll experiment with nods and winks. I’ll perfect the knowing eyebrow raise and the superior smirk. The more annoying the better.

I hope you will all try this at home. Believe you me, you too, can learn to love the things you hate.
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3 Responses
  1. Aunt Nancis Says:

    Nods, winks, fingers on the nose...sounds like Santa to me!!!!

  2. David S. Says:

    Oddly enough, I feel the same about the font Hobo.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Here's my new favourite expression. I read it in Leah McLaren's column in the Globe. She said it was two days before Christmas and she hadn't purchased any gifts yet because, as she put it, "I couldn't be arsed."
    Maybe slightly unrelated to this blog, but I couldn't wait to share that with you.

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