Heather Smith
So I had a long conversation with the new guinea pigs, Chet and Nutmeg, last night. It went like this:

Here's the skinny, guineas, I'm gonna tell ya three things - listen carefully, learn well, and we'll get along just fine:

1. The Youngsters aren't going to wait forever for you to come out of your hiding spots and become the cuddly creatures that we promised them you would be. So get over yourselves. The coy thing is getting a bit old.

2. I promise to feed, clean, and cuddle you critters but in return I expect happy noises and "
popcorning". I want entertainment, damn it!

3. I hope you are adventurous little piggies for in your future is a trip is to the Yorkshire Dales. Sitting in the pockets of my Barbour Wax Jacket you can enjoy the countryside, protected from the birds of prey that circle above. Perhaps you can even wear mini Barbour Wax Jackets of you own - how cute - rugged, yet dapper.

Basically, piggies, your cute faces and adorable furry bodies will only get you so far. It's time to start acting like you like us.

Chet and Nutmeg listened quietly during my entire speech, nodding with interest at the first two points, and tilting their heads quizzically at the third. When I was done I stuck a finger through the cage bars and said "Deal?". There was a slight lifting of each of their paws. I took that as "shaking on it".

Not yet used to guinea pig noises and their meanings I heard what sounded like a chuckle as I walked away. Perhaps it was the happy noise I had asked for in point two. Yes, that's it. They really listened to what I had to say. What obedient little furballs!

But as I walked up the stairs I heard it again and couldn't help but shake the feeling that perhaps I was being mocked...
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4 Responses
  1. Nancy Barnes Says:

    Firstly, Old Biddy, I can't believe you want to dress your guinea pigs. Secondly, I can't believe you had a discussion with your guinea pigs. Thirdly, if you did have this discussion, and thought you heard chuckling, trust me when I say it wasn't the guinea pigs that were mocking you!!! PS Glad you're back.

  2. Iron Monkey Says:

    I think it is us who need to talk. You are off the deep end... Guinea Pig Wax Jackets? The sad thing is, I know you are down there talking to them, so it is entirely possible that this is actually the conversation you had.

  3. Don Says:

    Chet and Nutmeg weren't in Ottawa the other day, were they? Mocking the former PM?

  4. CLB Says:

    I talk to Earle, Minnie, and Freshie all the time and there is nothing wrong with me....

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