Heather Smith
Dear Billy Bob,

My last letter to you was one of anger and repulsion but today's letter is much, much different. Today's letter is one of heartfelt gratitude. Can you feel it, Billy Bob? Can you feel the love?

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "I don't know what you're talking about."

Well, let me explain. You see, had you not been a complete knob to Jian Ghomeshi I would never have had the inspiration to write a scathing song about the whole ordeal for the CBC Canada Writes online challenge and been subsequently crowned the Online Challenge Winner.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "I'm not sure what that means."

What it means, Billy Bob, is that I am thanking you for being a horse's ass.

What's that you say? Would I say that to Tom Petty? Um, no. 'Cause he isn't a horse's ass, but you, my dimwitted friend, are the epitome of the hindquarters of any member of the Equidae family.

Yeah, yeah - you don't know what I mean by that. I get it. Again, I'll explain. The Equidae family is the horse family - horses, zebras, asses. What that means is that you are not only a horse's ass but a zebra's ass and yes, you even qualify as an ass's ass.

Anyway, Billy Bob, good news ... your knobiness has won me an iPod touch. And I feel so indebted to you I might even consider putting a Boxmasters song on it, preferably a track on which you were to too sulky/lazy/childish to play the drums.


Old Biddy
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8 Responses
  1. Nancy Barnes Says:

    OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! That'll learn him!!!

  2. Don Says:

    I don't know what all that was about.


    You're funny.

  4. CLB Says:

    BBT had that letter coming! HAHAHAHAHA

  5. D. Swart Says:

    Good laugh.

    "Would I say that to Tom Petty": icing on the cake

  6. Nan Says:

    I forgot to say in the last one that I really loved that picture of Jian too. Can I get one of those for my wallet?
    I LOVE the ABBA song! You are bloody brilliant! Congratulations on winning the iPod touch. I always knew you were the one for that contest. When are you going to send them your "Men of CBC" song?

  7. Nan - the CBC man thing was one of my entries to Canada Writes as well - a song to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody - it's on the website. Go to online challenge, click read and rate, then search my name.

  8. Lisa TS Says:

    This morning I heard your name announced as the winner on Brent's show. I was so proud I seriously almost cried. Way to go Heather!!

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